onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
