You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
