My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
