i wish my penis had a tongue
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
the raccoons are back...
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