do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
