i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
