You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
