you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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