so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
