you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
