She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
