i just google imaged poop.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
