Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
