So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
