I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
