He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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