I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
