if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
