i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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