There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
