some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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