first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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