I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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