Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
