at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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