An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dicks are not precious.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
