i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
