I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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