Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
