dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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