I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
