guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
