He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
