i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
