you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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