omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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