end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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