What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
