so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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