I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
