Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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