Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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