Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
