were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
