Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
