So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
