My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
