so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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