you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Welp...herpes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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