paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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